is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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