mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Where is the hickey?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
