it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
