We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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