I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
