I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
