The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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