I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
