I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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