Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
