we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
