I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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