Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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