69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
