No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
