I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
