You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
