totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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