remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
