Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
