I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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