FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
