I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Randomize
