Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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