wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
