Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I still have a little drunk in my system
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
