I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
