her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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