I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
