I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
