Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
