Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
