I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
