I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Mom said you looked used
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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