When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
