the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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