i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
