THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
