Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
