Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
