she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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