I cockslap morals
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
