At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
