The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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