Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
