I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
