i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
