if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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