she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
