Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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