I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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