I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
