thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
