all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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