Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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