$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you inspire me to be a worse person
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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