I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
